sitapati uvaca

You can do what you want, or you can have people treat you the way you want to be treated... but not both

- Sitapati sez

This is one of my "Sitapati sez" quotes. It's a realization I have obtained from studying myself and others, and then turned into a schlogan*. You'll see lots of them in my facebook status updates, which come from twitter. They are all free to use and reuse.

They are universally applicable as far as I have been able to tell, and most of them are representative of common scenarios. When you have 70 people at your place each week for a few years you start to see patterns.

Please note that there is no value judgment in the statement above. It's simply a principle that I've observed, and that many people seem to be unaware of. It seems perfectly obvious when you spell it out, but nevertheless I see people again and again try to construct scenarios where they can have both - something which is axiomatic Fail.

I heard Param sum it up differently tonight: "if you want people to do what you want them to do, you have to do what they want you to do".

Of course, that's a best case. I wouldn't be surprised if you do what some people want and they still don't do what you want! But you should at least expect this when interacting with people in general - it's... "you scratch my back, and (maybe) I'll scratch yours".

Ideally, devotees are different from that. They treat people with the best intentions, no matter what the response.

Generally, however, when we do whatever we want, we should not be surprised that people respond in "unpredictable" ways.

We can predict how they will respond by understanding what they want, and taking that into account. That's the basis of personalism

Sometimes we just say: "Who cares what you think, right now I'm doing what I want!". We have to balance our need to respond to our internal psychological drivers ("doing what we want") and our desire to be treated a certain way by others.

Living in community puts these two things in tension with each other. Too much of either one is unhealthy. It's useful to understand how the two interrelate, and how this impacts and shapes our experience of life in community.

Life is a fluid situation and a continual interplay between two extremes, either one of which alone is unhealthy, but both of which are necessary to create the equilibrium that we need to survive and thrive.

* a schlogan is when a slogan meets a sloka

Braja-Raja-Suta das (BCS) (formerly William Duke) wrote to me asking about this saying of mine. Here it is:

If you have a success story to tell, then by all means tell it.
If not, but you know what to do, then get some credibility - go out and do it.
If not, but you know someone who does know what to do, then follow them.
If none of the above, then whatever you do, don't waste your time criticising others.

This is a commentary on the sutra: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Fruitless criticism does not interest me. Identifying challenges as part of the process of overcoming them is useful - pointless criticism arising from helplessness and frustration is not.

Here's my presentation from last night. It was entitled "3 Types of Happiness". Maybe it could be titled: "What makes people happy?"

The last couple of minutes got cut off, but you get all the slides, and you get the idea.

Enjoy!

There is only one person who can do whatever they want and get the result they want - and His name starts with K.

For the rest of us - choose one:

Sunday Feast - Sitapati style.

Props to Vrajadhama for mixing it up.

Self Realization (Krishna Consciousness) and Self-Unreality ("Self-ish" ness) are mutually exclusive.

Don't let anyone fool you that you can have both.

In this material world everyone is dealing with their karma.

What makes devotees different is that they are dealing with how they deal with their karma.

There is no faster route to suffering than the direct pursuit of happiness.

Never ascribe to malice what can be explained by misinterpretation.

When everyone thinks of themselves, they end up all alone.

Being selfish together is not a common mission, whether you are a couple or a community.